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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion below it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
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