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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her full potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also extra common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Free Domain
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.