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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Guide
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Peaceful Parenting Guide
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parenting Guide
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Guide
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Guide
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Peaceful Parenting Guide
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Guide
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Guide
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Peaceful Parenting Guide
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Guide
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parenting Guide
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Guide
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Guide
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Guide
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Guide
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