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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always produces better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we need to agree to provide first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Happy Kid
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