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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion under it
• Most mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we must want to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Homeschool
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