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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Inc
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Peaceful Parenting Inc
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parenting Inc
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Inc
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Inc
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Peaceful Parenting Inc
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Inc
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Inc
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Peaceful Parenting Inc
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Inc
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Inc
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Inc
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Inc
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Inc
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Inc
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