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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as basically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and much more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling under it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Kinderpack
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.