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When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration always yields better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and also extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Latch Trick
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