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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Login
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Peaceful Parenting Login
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parenting Login
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Login
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Login
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Peaceful Parenting Login
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Login
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Below are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Login
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting Login
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Login
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting Login
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Login
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Login
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Login
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Login
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.