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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key feeling below it
• Most mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we must agree to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Marianne Clyde
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