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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Parenting Methods
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Peaceful Parenting Methods
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parenting Methods
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Methods
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Methods
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Peaceful Parenting Methods
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always generates better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Methods
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Methods
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main emotion below it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Peaceful Parenting Methods
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Methods
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting Methods
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Methods
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Methods
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Methods
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Methods
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