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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must agree to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Molyneux
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