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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always generates much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Night Weaning
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