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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting San Diego
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Peaceful Parenting San Diego
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Peaceful Parenting San Diego
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting San Diego
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting San Diego
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting San Diego
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting San Diego
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting San Diego
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling below it
• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Peaceful Parenting San Diego
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting San Diego
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting San Diego
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting San Diego
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting San Diego
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting San Diego
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting San Diego
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