Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also extra usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling under it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Sibling Rivalry
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.