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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Siblings
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Peaceful Parenting Siblings
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parenting Siblings
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Siblings
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Siblings
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Peaceful Parenting Siblings
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Siblings
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and also more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Siblings
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Peaceful Parenting Siblings
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Siblings
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Siblings
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Siblings
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Siblings
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Siblings
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Siblings
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