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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently produces better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mom or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling below it
• Many mad children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Sleep Solutions
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.