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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Parenting Strategies
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Peaceful Parenting Strategies
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Peaceful Parenting Strategies
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Strategies
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Strategies
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Peaceful Parenting Strategies
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Strategies
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Strategies
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion below it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting Strategies
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to agree to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Strategies
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Strategies
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Strategies
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Strategies
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Strategies
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Strategies
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.