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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Studies
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Peaceful Parenting Studies
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Peaceful Parenting Studies
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Studies
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Studies
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Peaceful Parenting Studies
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently produces better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Studies
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Studies
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Peaceful Parenting Studies
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Studies
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parenting Studies
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Studies
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Studies
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Studies
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Studies
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