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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Symbol
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Peaceful Parenting Symbol
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parenting Symbol
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Symbol
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Symbol
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting Symbol
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation always yields far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Symbol
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and also more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Symbol
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Peaceful Parenting Symbol
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we must be willing to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Symbol
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Symbol
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Symbol
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Symbol
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Symbol
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Symbol
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