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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Techniques
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Peaceful Parenting Techniques
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parenting Techniques
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Techniques
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Techniques
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Peaceful Parenting Techniques
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration always yields better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Techniques
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also help your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Techniques
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting Techniques
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Techniques
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting Techniques
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Techniques
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Techniques
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Techniques
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Techniques
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.