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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields much better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Most upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we have to want to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Temper Tantrums
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