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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. However gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Biting
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