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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always produces much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and much more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we have to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Toddler Tantrums
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