Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently generates far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Toddlers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.