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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Training
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Peaceful Parenting Training
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parenting Training
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Training
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Training
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting Training
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Training
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Training
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Peaceful Parenting Training
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Training
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parenting Training
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Training
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Training
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Training
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Training
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