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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Videos
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Peaceful Parenting Videos
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parenting Videos
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Videos
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Videos
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Peaceful Parenting Videos
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Videos
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Videos
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Peaceful Parenting Videos
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we have to agree to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Videos
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parenting Videos
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Videos
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Videos
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Videos
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Videos
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