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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Website
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Peaceful Parenting Website
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parenting Website
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Website
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Website
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Peaceful Parenting Website
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Website
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Website
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling under it
• Most mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting Website
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Website
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Website
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Website
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Website
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Website
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Website
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