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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Wiki
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Peaceful Parenting Wiki
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Peaceful Parenting Wiki
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Wiki
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Wiki
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Peaceful Parenting Wiki
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Wiki
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Wiki
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting Wiki
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Wiki
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting Wiki
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Wiki
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Wiki
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Wiki
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Wiki
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