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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting You Tube
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Peaceful Parenting You Tube
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Peaceful Parenting You Tube
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Peaceful Parenting You Tube
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting You Tube
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Peaceful Parenting You Tube
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting You Tube
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting You Tube
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting You Tube
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting You Tube
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting You Tube
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting You Tube
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting You Tube
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting You Tube
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting You Tube
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