Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Behave

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Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children everything they ask for Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates better long-term results than forced control.

Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mama or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as extra common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary feeling under it

• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.

• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we need to agree to give first. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Single Parenting How To Stop A Physically Violent 4 Year Old


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