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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy child development Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation always generates better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Warrior Parent Directory
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