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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Wife Husband Parenting
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