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When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Pee Accident
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Pee Accident
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Pee Accident
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Pee Accident
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Pee Accident
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Pee Accident
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Pee Accident
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Pee Accident
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Pee Accident
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Pee Accident
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Pee Accident
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Pee Accident
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Pee Accident
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Pee Accident
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Pee Accident
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