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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we must be willing to give first. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Peeing On The Floor On Purpose
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.