Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Phobia Of Bees
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Phobia Of Bees
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Phobia Of Bees
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Phobia Of Bees
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Phobia Of Bees
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Phobia Of Bees
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always generates better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Phobia Of Bees
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Phobia Of Bees
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Phobia Of Bees
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we should agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Phobia Of Bees
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Phobia Of Bees
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Phobia Of Bees
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Phobia Of Bees
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Phobia Of Bees
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Phobia Of Bees
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.