Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Phone Rules
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Phone Rules
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Phone Rules
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Phone Rules
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Phone Rules
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Phone Rules
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Phone Rules
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Phone Rules
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Phone Rules
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Phone Rules
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Phone Rules
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Phone Rules
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Phone Rules
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Phone Rules
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Phone Rules
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.