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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Picky Eater Blog
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Picky Eater Blog
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Picky Eater Blog
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development Picky Eater Blog
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Picky Eater Blog
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Picky Eater Blog
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Picky Eater Blog
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Picky Eater Blog
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling below it
• Many mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Picky Eater Blog
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Picky Eater Blog
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Picky Eater Blog
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Picky Eater Blog
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Picky Eater Blog
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Picky Eater Blog
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Picky Eater Blog
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