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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Picky Eater Food Ideas
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Picky Eater Food Ideas
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Picky Eater Food Ideas
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Picky Eater Food Ideas
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Picky Eater Food Ideas
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Picky Eater Food Ideas
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always yields far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Picky Eater Food Ideas
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Picky Eater Food Ideas
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Most angry children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Picky Eater Food Ideas
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Picky Eater Food Ideas
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Picky Eater Food Ideas
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Picky Eater Food Ideas
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Picky Eater Food Ideas
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Picky Eater Food Ideas
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Picky Eater Food Ideas
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