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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently yields better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mother or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Picky Eater Healthy Recipes
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.