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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Picky Eater Meal Ideas
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Picky Eater Meal Ideas
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Picky Eater Meal Ideas
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Picky Eater Meal Ideas
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Picky Eater Meal Ideas
First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Picky Eater Meal Ideas
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Picky Eater Meal Ideas
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mother or daddy you’ve always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Picky Eater Meal Ideas
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion under it
• The majority of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Picky Eater Meal Ideas
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we have to want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Picky Eater Meal Ideas
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Picky Eater Meal Ideas
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Picky Eater Meal Ideas
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Picky Eater Meal Ideas
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Picky Eater Meal Ideas
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Picky Eater Meal Ideas
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.