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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Picky Eater Puppy
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Picky Eater Puppy
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Picky Eater Puppy
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Picky Eater Puppy
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Picky Eater Puppy
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Picky Eater Puppy
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always yields much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Picky Eater Puppy
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to become the mama or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Picky Eater Puppy
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling below it
• Many angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Picky Eater Puppy
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we should want to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Picky Eater Puppy
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Picky Eater Puppy
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Picky Eater Puppy
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Picky Eater Puppy
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Picky Eater Puppy
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Picky Eater Puppy
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.