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When I first became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Picky Eater Test
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Picky Eater Test
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Picky Eater Test
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Picky Eater Test
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Picky Eater Test
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Picky Eater Test
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always yields better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Picky Eater Test
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Picky Eater Test
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Picky Eater Test
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Picky Eater Test
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Picky Eater Test
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Picky Eater Test
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Picky Eater Test
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Picky Eater Test
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Picky Eater Test
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.