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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Picky Eater Vegan
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Picky Eater Vegan
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Picky Eater Vegan
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Picky Eater Vegan
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Picky Eater Vegan
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Picky Eater Vegan
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation always yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Picky Eater Vegan
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Picky Eater Vegan
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Picky Eater Vegan
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. Picky Eater Vegan
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Picky Eater Vegan
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Picky Eater Vegan
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Picky Eater Vegan
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Picky Eater Vegan
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Picky Eater Vegan
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