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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Picky Eater Vitamins
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Picky Eater Vitamins
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Picky Eater Vitamins
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Picky Eater Vitamins
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Picky Eater Vitamins
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Picky Eater Vitamins
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Picky Eater Vitamins
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and also more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Picky Eater Vitamins
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Picky Eater Vitamins
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we should be ready to provide. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Picky Eater Vitamins
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Picky Eater Vitamins
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Picky Eater Vitamins
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Picky Eater Vitamins
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Picky Eater Vitamins
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Picky Eater Vitamins
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.