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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Picky Eater When Started
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Picky Eater When Started
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Picky Eater When Started
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Picky Eater When Started
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Picky Eater When Started
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Picky Eater When Started
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Picky Eater When Started
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and also much more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Picky Eater When Started
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling under it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Picky Eater When Started
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we should agree to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Picky Eater When Started
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Picky Eater When Started
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Picky Eater When Started
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Picky Eater When Started
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Picky Eater When Started
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Picky Eater When Started
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.