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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Play With Feces
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Play With Feces
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Play With Feces
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Play With Feces
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Play With Feces
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Play With Feces
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Play With Feces
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Play With Feces
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Play With Feces
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Play With Feces
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Play With Feces
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Play With Feces
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Play With Feces
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Play With Feces
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Play With Feces
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.