Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Play With Poop
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Play With Poop
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Play With Poop
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Play With Poop
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Play With Poop
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Play With Poop
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always yields far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Play With Poop
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Play With Poop
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Play With Poop
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Play With Poop
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Play With Poop
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Play With Poop
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Play With Poop
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Play With Poop
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Play With Poop
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.