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When I first became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Pointers For Kids
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Pointers For Kids
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Pointers For Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Pointers For Kids
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Pointers For Kids
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Pointers For Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Pointers For Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Pointers For Kids
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Pointers For Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Pointers For Kids
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Pointers For Kids
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Pointers For Kids
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Pointers For Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Pointers For Kids
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Pointers For Kids
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.