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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Poop Accident
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Poop Accident
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Poop Accident
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Poop Accident
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Poop Accident
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Poop Accident
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Poop Accident
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Poop Accident
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling below it
• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Poop Accident
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we have to be willing to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Poop Accident
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Poop Accident
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Poop Accident
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Poop Accident
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Poop Accident
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Poop Accident
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.